Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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