you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
