So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
