so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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