No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
