Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
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