I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
