I am puke
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
