i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My vagina just clenched in fear
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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