no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
