I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
