Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
