It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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