I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
