You're my little dorito
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
don't judge my taste in strippers
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
