This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
