Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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