its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
