addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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