you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
