She said her name was "party"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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