He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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