I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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