I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
