I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
