This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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