Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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