you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
