Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
