At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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