So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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