worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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