Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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