so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
