I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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