Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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