@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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