He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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