we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
