i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We named our party play list daddy issues
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
