also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
