Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
