normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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