her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You ever have a fart follow you around?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
