I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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