peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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