You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
