I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
