oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm always down for nudity.
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