When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
