Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Randomize
