Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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