i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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