We're like a lot better than the average bears
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
