I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
