i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
