She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I love you.
Bad choice
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