hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
