I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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