Don't you send me to vm
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
