OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
