I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
