i can't believe i had my finger in that
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
