normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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