can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
